I have been a bit of an insominac lately partly due to heartburn and general discomfort, but also there is so much running through my mind lately. Packing up this apartment, worrying about the move, sadness about leaving this apartment are a few but I also can't help but think about what my life will be like in a month. I am so blessed to have made this far in my pregnancy- I will be officially 8 months (32 weeks) pregnant tomorrow (or today- it is 1:30 am). I have enormous hopes and dreams about these babies and I hope that I will be a good mom who will be patient with them, able to teach them good lessons, and raise them with kindness and appreciation.
I keep thinking about who and where I was 5 years ago and what a different picture my life looked like. I was a single woman living by myself in a great neighborhood in NYC. I could barely afford the apartment i was living in but somehow I managed to still live the life- going out all the time to parties, concerts, great restaurants. I was a free-spirit, fun-loving and a bit on the crazy side (in a good way). I had a really fun group of friends and have stories and memories of them that to this day still makes me smile and laugh.
I've been feeling really nostalgic. I dont know if its because I am completely hormonal or if its my way of mentally preparing myself for this new transition in my life (kind of like "in with the new, out with the old"), but I am really missing that free-spirited woman who existed 5 years ago. Not that my life is so boring now, but it is obviously way more structured than it used to be.
To make things even more ironic, our new apartment is in the same neighborhood as my first apartment in NYC after college. I lived there for 8 years- and now I am moving back with a husband and (hopefully) 2 babies. The magnitude of that thought is overwhelming to me.
Its exciting and utterly terrifying at the same time. No wonder I can't sleep...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Update on me
Its been a roller coaster these last few weeks.
First of all, the deal to our apartment (that we were supposed to move into in 3 weeks) fell through. The sellers were delaying signing the contract and decided at the 11th hour that they wanted more money. We walked away from the deal with our pride in tact but inside we were freaking out because we have nowhere to live starting the beginning of March. The very next day, our broker sent us a bunch of listings for new apartments and we found one we liked and asked to see it later that day. I fell in love with it- it is brand new floors, brand new appliances, much bigger that the other apartment- master bedroom is enormous (down the road we can put up a wall and build another bedroom its so big). The 2nd bedroom can easily fit 2 cribs, a changing table and room left over for lots of toys. The apt. is a lot more than what we wanted to spend, but we are looking at it as an investment. Things will be tight for a while but we both are so excited and know that we can be comfortable living here and raising our babies for a long time.
We put in an offer and got accepted. We received the contract and we just need to sign it, get our financial papers to the mortgage broker and fingers crossed, be able to move in a few weeks. There is no Co-Op board approval which makes the process so much easier.
This is truly a case of when one door closes, another one opens..
The babies are doing well however, last appointment, it was discovered that my cervix shortened a lot. It went from 3.7 cm to 2.5- I kind of knew this would happen because I feel so much pressure when I walk. Just going from my bed to the bathroom is painful.
So, I am officially on bedrest. Funny, I used to always say I could live in my bed it is so comfy. famous last words... It is hard but I just want these babies to cook for 5-6 more weeks so their lungs will be mature and will be as healthy as possible. I am trying to be good and really taking it easy but knowing there are dirty dishes in the sink makes my skin crawl and I have to wash them.
And.. thankfully, my mom is doing great. She had surgery on her throat- it turned out that it wasn't a tumor, just a beign cyst. She is feeling fine and we are all so incredibly relieved. Now she is really focused and excited to start buying baby stuff for us... squee!
First of all, the deal to our apartment (that we were supposed to move into in 3 weeks) fell through. The sellers were delaying signing the contract and decided at the 11th hour that they wanted more money. We walked away from the deal with our pride in tact but inside we were freaking out because we have nowhere to live starting the beginning of March. The very next day, our broker sent us a bunch of listings for new apartments and we found one we liked and asked to see it later that day. I fell in love with it- it is brand new floors, brand new appliances, much bigger that the other apartment- master bedroom is enormous (down the road we can put up a wall and build another bedroom its so big). The 2nd bedroom can easily fit 2 cribs, a changing table and room left over for lots of toys. The apt. is a lot more than what we wanted to spend, but we are looking at it as an investment. Things will be tight for a while but we both are so excited and know that we can be comfortable living here and raising our babies for a long time.
We put in an offer and got accepted. We received the contract and we just need to sign it, get our financial papers to the mortgage broker and fingers crossed, be able to move in a few weeks. There is no Co-Op board approval which makes the process so much easier.
This is truly a case of when one door closes, another one opens..
The babies are doing well however, last appointment, it was discovered that my cervix shortened a lot. It went from 3.7 cm to 2.5- I kind of knew this would happen because I feel so much pressure when I walk. Just going from my bed to the bathroom is painful.
So, I am officially on bedrest. Funny, I used to always say I could live in my bed it is so comfy. famous last words... It is hard but I just want these babies to cook for 5-6 more weeks so their lungs will be mature and will be as healthy as possible. I am trying to be good and really taking it easy but knowing there are dirty dishes in the sink makes my skin crawl and I have to wash them.
And.. thankfully, my mom is doing great. She had surgery on her throat- it turned out that it wasn't a tumor, just a beign cyst. She is feeling fine and we are all so incredibly relieved. Now she is really focused and excited to start buying baby stuff for us... squee!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Overwhelmed..
I am sorry this post is a big fat bummer but I am seriously going out of my mind. Let me first just remind myself that I am so happy that my little babies are growing strong and kicking away. I know it will all be worth it in the end when I get to see their little faces, but right now I just need to vent.
I hate sleeping- it has become an olympic sport to sucessfully sleep more than 1-2 hours at a time.
I hate working because I just can not be the employee I used to be and give 110% even though everyone still expects it of me. I work in a small non-profit organization where mostly all of the responsibilities lie on my shoulders. Before, I would stay late just to be able to complete everything. Now, I am just too tired to deal with anything and work keeps piling up and I can't keep up which is stressing me out. And even with a woman coming in part-time to help me out, it is still not enough and the organization still looks to me to get everything done.
We are supposedly moving in a month and I can't even wrap my head around how, let alone unpacking and setting up a new home.
I just have too much on my plate right now, coupled with hormone overload and all I want to do is sit and cry. I am trying so hard to keep a positive and happy outlook but my head is exploding.
And.... my mom just called me to tell me that she may or may not have a tumor in her throat. Doctor needs to do a biopsy in a week. If it is a tumor, she will need surgery and radiation. If it is a cyst, she will need surgery. If its nothing, they will leave it alone.
Calgon, take me away.....
I hate sleeping- it has become an olympic sport to sucessfully sleep more than 1-2 hours at a time.
I hate working because I just can not be the employee I used to be and give 110% even though everyone still expects it of me. I work in a small non-profit organization where mostly all of the responsibilities lie on my shoulders. Before, I would stay late just to be able to complete everything. Now, I am just too tired to deal with anything and work keeps piling up and I can't keep up which is stressing me out. And even with a woman coming in part-time to help me out, it is still not enough and the organization still looks to me to get everything done.
We are supposedly moving in a month and I can't even wrap my head around how, let alone unpacking and setting up a new home.
I just have too much on my plate right now, coupled with hormone overload and all I want to do is sit and cry. I am trying so hard to keep a positive and happy outlook but my head is exploding.
And.... my mom just called me to tell me that she may or may not have a tumor in her throat. Doctor needs to do a biopsy in a week. If it is a tumor, she will need surgery and radiation. If it is a cyst, she will need surgery. If its nothing, they will leave it alone.
Calgon, take me away.....
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
my first baby "purchase"
I belong to the Manhattan Twins Club and they send out daily emails on stuff to sell or looking to buy from other Moms. Yesterday, someone posted that she needs to get rid of her Double Snap N Go- basically it is a frame of a stroller and you snap in 2 car seats to become a twin stroller. It is not terribly expensive, but free is always a good price in my book. I should add- I am Jewish and am not having a shower because we believe it is superstitious to set up a nursey or buy things before the babies are born. I am fully behind that concept, however, I do believe that getting basic stuff that you will need from day 1 is not being superstitious, it is being smart. And again, did I mention that the stroller was free? :)
So we went to the Mom's house and picked up our new stroller. When we walked in, her 2 little twins were playing on the carpet- they had so much stuff! bumbo seats, bouncy seats, exercauser, plush blocks, books, ... And then I saw the gallon trash bag filled with diapers- she told me it was just from this week.
But, they were so cute-they smiled and kicked their little legs and babbled. I can not believe that will be my life in a few months (god willing). We folded the stroller and left it in the trunk of our car. It felt so weird and surreal to have it there and definiately did not feel like it belonged to us. But it is our first thing we now own for our babies.. Wow. Ok, breathe...
So we went to the Mom's house and picked up our new stroller. When we walked in, her 2 little twins were playing on the carpet- they had so much stuff! bumbo seats, bouncy seats, exercauser, plush blocks, books, ... And then I saw the gallon trash bag filled with diapers- she told me it was just from this week.
But, they were so cute-they smiled and kicked their little legs and babbled. I can not believe that will be my life in a few months (god willing). We folded the stroller and left it in the trunk of our car. It felt so weird and surreal to have it there and definiately did not feel like it belonged to us. But it is our first thing we now own for our babies.. Wow. Ok, breathe...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
party all night, sleep all day..
My little twinkies take after me, in my lazy pre-pregnancy, bachlorette days. They love the nightlife- as soon as I settle down and am just about ready to sleep, they start kicking up a storm. The other night it felt like a fist was coming through my belly. During the day, they kick but not as frequently. I dont mind- its so cute.
In other news, we put an offer down for an apartment. I am so excited! The apartment is in my old neighborhood. I already know 2 twin moms who live closeby and another good friend who has 2 kids also lives close by. The most exciting thing about the apartment is that it is 1/2 a block from Riverside park and 4 blocks from Central Park. I can not wait to take lots of walks with the babies. I LOVED these parks. I used to bike, jog, meet friends- so many memories. I can't believe it's been 5 years since I left the neighborhood and now I am coming back with 2 babies. Wow!
As far as my pregnancy, I am 26 weeks and thank god, babies are doing great. They are growing - my last appt. they were up to 1 lb, 6 oz. each. I am feeling good- tired a lot and still have heartburn but I am truly and sincerely happy. My husband and I are so excited for these little ones. I found a pediatrician and will have my first consultation in a month's time.
Tomorrow I go back to the doctor to check on growth and progress. I am almost in my third Trimester!
In other news, we put an offer down for an apartment. I am so excited! The apartment is in my old neighborhood. I already know 2 twin moms who live closeby and another good friend who has 2 kids also lives close by. The most exciting thing about the apartment is that it is 1/2 a block from Riverside park and 4 blocks from Central Park. I can not wait to take lots of walks with the babies. I LOVED these parks. I used to bike, jog, meet friends- so many memories. I can't believe it's been 5 years since I left the neighborhood and now I am coming back with 2 babies. Wow!
As far as my pregnancy, I am 26 weeks and thank god, babies are doing great. They are growing - my last appt. they were up to 1 lb, 6 oz. each. I am feeling good- tired a lot and still have heartburn but I am truly and sincerely happy. My husband and I are so excited for these little ones. I found a pediatrician and will have my first consultation in a month's time.
Tomorrow I go back to the doctor to check on growth and progress. I am almost in my third Trimester!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Almost 6 months!
Wow! time is flying by!
My little twinkies are doing well. They are moving around a lot and I feel their little kicks more frequently now. My husband felt them too but they are fast little things so he has to keep his hand on my tummy for a while to feel them.
My newest symptom is Braxton-Hicks. Every time I get up from a chair after sitting for a while, or climb stairs, or even just change position I get them. My whole belly gets really tight. Its not painful and does not last long but its just a little scary. As of Friday, my cervix is long and closed at 4 cm which is good. I called my doctor about the BH and just waiting to hear back. I feel like it is just normal with twin pregnancies to get them so early but it still concerns me.
Both babies are measuring right on schedule and growing well. One weighs 1 pound and the other is 15 oz. I got to see a 4D ultrasound photo so I can really see some features on their little faces. One has the cutest chubby cheeks and the other has its hand over its face.
Heartburn still kicks my ass. Doctor told me to start taking Mylanta in my repertoire of heartburn meds, which works well for me at night.
In other news, we got 2 offers on our apartment! One bid came in way lower than we want, and the other bid came a bit less than our asking price. We are currently negotiating and hopefully we will end up with the price we want.
Feeling a little scared and overwhelmed about finding a new place to live, moving, packing and unpacking in the next 2 months. Although we all is done and we are moved in, I am so looking forward to finally decorating the nursery!!! I have so many ideas in mind!
My little twinkies are doing well. They are moving around a lot and I feel their little kicks more frequently now. My husband felt them too but they are fast little things so he has to keep his hand on my tummy for a while to feel them.
My newest symptom is Braxton-Hicks. Every time I get up from a chair after sitting for a while, or climb stairs, or even just change position I get them. My whole belly gets really tight. Its not painful and does not last long but its just a little scary. As of Friday, my cervix is long and closed at 4 cm which is good. I called my doctor about the BH and just waiting to hear back. I feel like it is just normal with twin pregnancies to get them so early but it still concerns me.
Both babies are measuring right on schedule and growing well. One weighs 1 pound and the other is 15 oz. I got to see a 4D ultrasound photo so I can really see some features on their little faces. One has the cutest chubby cheeks and the other has its hand over its face.
Heartburn still kicks my ass. Doctor told me to start taking Mylanta in my repertoire of heartburn meds, which works well for me at night.
In other news, we got 2 offers on our apartment! One bid came in way lower than we want, and the other bid came a bit less than our asking price. We are currently negotiating and hopefully we will end up with the price we want.
Feeling a little scared and overwhelmed about finding a new place to live, moving, packing and unpacking in the next 2 months. Although we all is done and we are moved in, I am so looking forward to finally decorating the nursery!!! I have so many ideas in mind!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving!
I made my first Thankgiving meal and it was a success! Since my ILs came to us for the holiday we made dinner at our apartment. It was just the 4 of us so we bought a 6 pound turkey- I roasted it with rosemary, thyme, sage, minced garlic and really good olive oil. It came out perfectly moist and juicy! I also made stuffing, homeade cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, grilled asparagus and key lime pie for dessert. I was so proud of myself!
Things I am thankful for this year:
- My family's and my health
- We were able to afford IVF treatment to get these 2 little sweet babies
-That the 2 babies are growing strong and have stuck with me and got me to 21 weeks!
- my wonderful supporting husband who I love to pieces even though he drives me nuts sometimes
- my loving family and friends
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!
Things I am thankful for this year:
- My family's and my health
- We were able to afford IVF treatment to get these 2 little sweet babies
-That the 2 babies are growing strong and have stuck with me and got me to 21 weeks!
- my wonderful supporting husband who I love to pieces even though he drives me nuts sometimes
- my loving family and friends
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!
Friday, November 13, 2009
18 Weeks!
Wow.. time goes fast! I am 18 weeks and looking as big as ever. :(
I got my amnio results and all is great and normal- THANK GOD a million times. I had my anatomy scan last Friday and the babies are weighing 6 oz and 7 oz. While the u/s tech was measuring the babies, I started feeling really hot and dizzy and nauseous. I told her to stop so I could catch my breath. Turns out the dumbass said to me- oh its because you're lying on your back- you need to be propped up. Genius! Well- as soon as I was propped up, miraculously I felt so much better! ::eye roll::
I bought a maternity pillow called a snoogle which has been the greatest thing. I sleep so much more comfortably. I gained 14 pounds in 18 weeks which my doc said is fine.
I've gotten my heartburn under control by eating much smaller meals.
I finally told all my friends that I am pregnant and it felt so good "coming out of the closet"!
We are still trying to sell our 3rd flr walk up apartment. We've had a few interested people but nothing really panned out yet. Walking up the stairs is getting more and more difficult even though I still feel strong and able to do it.
We were supposed to go to Florida for Thanksgiving to visit the ILs but doc told me no flying. I am relieved in a way- I need my own bed with my plethora of pillows. Plus, I just don't feel like dealing with airports, lines, and the crazy thanksgiving travel. So, the ILs decided to come to us for thanksgiving which is fine by me.
I got 4 new twin books which I am excited to read. We are going to a baby CPR class on Monday night. Which reminds me, I must register for childbirth class at the hospital soon. Squee!
I got my amnio results and all is great and normal- THANK GOD a million times. I had my anatomy scan last Friday and the babies are weighing 6 oz and 7 oz. While the u/s tech was measuring the babies, I started feeling really hot and dizzy and nauseous. I told her to stop so I could catch my breath. Turns out the dumbass said to me- oh its because you're lying on your back- you need to be propped up. Genius! Well- as soon as I was propped up, miraculously I felt so much better! ::eye roll::
I bought a maternity pillow called a snoogle which has been the greatest thing. I sleep so much more comfortably. I gained 14 pounds in 18 weeks which my doc said is fine.
I've gotten my heartburn under control by eating much smaller meals.
I finally told all my friends that I am pregnant and it felt so good "coming out of the closet"!
We are still trying to sell our 3rd flr walk up apartment. We've had a few interested people but nothing really panned out yet. Walking up the stairs is getting more and more difficult even though I still feel strong and able to do it.
We were supposed to go to Florida for Thanksgiving to visit the ILs but doc told me no flying. I am relieved in a way- I need my own bed with my plethora of pillows. Plus, I just don't feel like dealing with airports, lines, and the crazy thanksgiving travel. So, the ILs decided to come to us for thanksgiving which is fine by me.
I got 4 new twin books which I am excited to read. We are going to a baby CPR class on Monday night. Which reminds me, I must register for childbirth class at the hospital soon. Squee!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Had my amnio..
On Friday I went in for my amnio, which is when they take a long thin needle in my abdomen and withdraw amniotic fluid, which contain cells floating around from the baby. The lab will test these cells for chromosomal issues. It takes 2 weeks to get results back.
As soon as the needle went in, it hurt! For about 30 seconds- I was really focusing on my breathing to stay calm. The doctor was narrating what he was doing as he was going along and Gerard was there so I could squeeze his hand. After one was done, then the doc had to do the second baby. He inserted a blue dye to make he was not taking fluid from the same sac. Of course Gerard asked if that meant the baby will come out blue.. LOL! The doc just said I will be peeing blue for 2 days- no biggie.
It took all of 10 minutes and it was over. The babies weren't anywhere near the needle and when it was over, I got into bed to rest for the rest of the day. I felt fine- no cramping, no spotting.
So now, I have to wait until November 6 to get the results back. Truth is, I am just not thinking about it- I am scared and nervous but there is nothing I can do. So I am just going to assume everything is ok until I hear otherwise.
Although anyone who sees me knows I am pregnant, most of my friends who I havent seen do not know yet. I figured I can at least wait until after the results come back to officially announce I am pregnant. I just want to be absolutely sure everything is ok.
We decided that we are not going to tell anyone the sex of our babies. We are keeping that a surprise... so don't try to get it out of me, Melly!!! :) xo!
As soon as the needle went in, it hurt! For about 30 seconds- I was really focusing on my breathing to stay calm. The doctor was narrating what he was doing as he was going along and Gerard was there so I could squeeze his hand. After one was done, then the doc had to do the second baby. He inserted a blue dye to make he was not taking fluid from the same sac. Of course Gerard asked if that meant the baby will come out blue.. LOL! The doc just said I will be peeing blue for 2 days- no biggie.
It took all of 10 minutes and it was over. The babies weren't anywhere near the needle and when it was over, I got into bed to rest for the rest of the day. I felt fine- no cramping, no spotting.
So now, I have to wait until November 6 to get the results back. Truth is, I am just not thinking about it- I am scared and nervous but there is nothing I can do. So I am just going to assume everything is ok until I hear otherwise.
Although anyone who sees me knows I am pregnant, most of my friends who I havent seen do not know yet. I figured I can at least wait until after the results come back to officially announce I am pregnant. I just want to be absolutely sure everything is ok.
We decided that we are not going to tell anyone the sex of our babies. We are keeping that a surprise... so don't try to get it out of me, Melly!!! :) xo!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Update
Hmm.. where to begin. Well, first off, I am officially in 2nd trimester ::throws confetti::
I wish I could say it makes a difference in terms of feeling great but it really doesn't. I never had morning sickness. I go through bouts of being really tired and tired but manageable so that hasn't changed since first tri. My heartburn has actually gotten worse. I am now a pepcid girl, which gives me great relief but it takes 2 hours to kick in so I also supplement with a tums here and there.
I've been trying to hide my growing belly behind big shirts but I guess I am showing now because my boss and co-workers congratulated me without me even telling them yet. I was surprised they could tell but actually really glad its out in the open now because I was running out of normal-looking clothes. Now I am fully in maternity clothes and it is super comfy. I guess in the last week or so I really popped because now I really see it.
Went to the doctor today and the babies are looking great. They had me drink the sugary orange stuff to test for gestational diabetes. I will find out the results on Monday. My amnio is scheduled for next Friday.
Got my NT results back. The numbers are fantastic and my risk is really low. Whew- gives me so much reassurance going into my amnio.
My husband and I went to our first "twin" class. It was so great and informative and so nice to see the other couples there as freaked out as we are. I do have to say though, going through this twin pregnancy together has brought us even closer than we were before. We are both so scared and excited at the same time. We held our friend's newborn yesterday and just watching G hold the baby made me tear up. He was beaming holding that baby, thinking about holding his own soon... He is going to be a great dad.
My boss and I are going to talk about maternity leave next week. I just have to be prepared for anything and she wants to get me a back-up now to have in place.
I wish I could say it makes a difference in terms of feeling great but it really doesn't. I never had morning sickness. I go through bouts of being really tired and tired but manageable so that hasn't changed since first tri. My heartburn has actually gotten worse. I am now a pepcid girl, which gives me great relief but it takes 2 hours to kick in so I also supplement with a tums here and there.
I've been trying to hide my growing belly behind big shirts but I guess I am showing now because my boss and co-workers congratulated me without me even telling them yet. I was surprised they could tell but actually really glad its out in the open now because I was running out of normal-looking clothes. Now I am fully in maternity clothes and it is super comfy. I guess in the last week or so I really popped because now I really see it.
Went to the doctor today and the babies are looking great. They had me drink the sugary orange stuff to test for gestational diabetes. I will find out the results on Monday. My amnio is scheduled for next Friday.
Got my NT results back. The numbers are fantastic and my risk is really low. Whew- gives me so much reassurance going into my amnio.
My husband and I went to our first "twin" class. It was so great and informative and so nice to see the other couples there as freaked out as we are. I do have to say though, going through this twin pregnancy together has brought us even closer than we were before. We are both so scared and excited at the same time. We held our friend's newborn yesterday and just watching G hold the baby made me tear up. He was beaming holding that baby, thinking about holding his own soon... He is going to be a great dad.
My boss and I are going to talk about maternity leave next week. I just have to be prepared for anything and she wants to get me a back-up now to have in place.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
NT Scan
Today I went to the doctor because I have been feeling dull, achy cramps consistently for a day or so. I know I am neurotic and I felt like it probably was normal, but I had to be sure. So I called and they told me to come in to check on things.
The nurse took me right away and thankfully, everything is fine. Both babies were wiggling around and their hearts were beating strong. Since I was scheduled to go for the NT scan on Friday, they decided to save me the trip and give it to me today. Woot!
Nuchal is the fold of skin behind the baby's neck. In most cases, a thick fold of skin, measuring about 3 mm or more indicates the baby may have down syndrome. Our babies nuchal fold measured 1.3 mm so everything looks great! They took some blood and will test for other chromosomal issues. The results are only probability- only the amnio can reveal any issues with 99% accuracy.
Next up- I have a growth scan in 2 weeks and my amnio in 3 weeks.
The nurse took me right away and thankfully, everything is fine. Both babies were wiggling around and their hearts were beating strong. Since I was scheduled to go for the NT scan on Friday, they decided to save me the trip and give it to me today. Woot!
Nuchal is the fold of skin behind the baby's neck. In most cases, a thick fold of skin, measuring about 3 mm or more indicates the baby may have down syndrome. Our babies nuchal fold measured 1.3 mm so everything looks great! They took some blood and will test for other chromosomal issues. The results are only probability- only the amnio can reveal any issues with 99% accuracy.
Next up- I have a growth scan in 2 weeks and my amnio in 3 weeks.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
CVS cancelled..
and it is a good thing.
But first, in order to get a CVS done, my bladder had to be completely bursting. Well no one told me that and when they called me (after I waited for 45 minutes) they asked me if my bladder was full. So- I had to sit there and drink 4 bottles of water and 1 bottle of orange juice all in like 10 minutes. When I felt like I was going to really pee in my pants, then the nurse tells me she is with a patient and just hold on for a few minutes. Oh sure.. noooo problem. Gah! I kept repeating to myself- Just don't pee on the doctor...
Finally we went in for the u/s and any discomfort I had went away when I saw the little gumdrops wiggling around. The doctor came in and after about 10 minutes of probing my belly he showed me that my cervix and placenta were far enough apart that by inserting the needle through the cervix it would have to go through a membrane on the way to the placenta. If this membrane would be punctured, it would cause an miscarriage. Wow- so glad the doctor caught that BEFORE he started the procedure. So we opted not to do the CVS and instead will have an NT Scan on Friday. Then when I am 15 weeks (pg) will get an anatomy scan and then have the amnio at 16 weeks.
I am much more comfortable with that schedule. I had a really uneasy feeling about the CVS. I am worried that if there is a serious problem, I wont find out until I am at least 16 weeks but I am really just hoping for the best.
In the meantime, I am feeling a bit less tired, heartburn calmed down and still not showing at all. I am going to hold off telling anyone for as long as I can.
But first, in order to get a CVS done, my bladder had to be completely bursting. Well no one told me that and when they called me (after I waited for 45 minutes) they asked me if my bladder was full. So- I had to sit there and drink 4 bottles of water and 1 bottle of orange juice all in like 10 minutes. When I felt like I was going to really pee in my pants, then the nurse tells me she is with a patient and just hold on for a few minutes. Oh sure.. noooo problem. Gah! I kept repeating to myself- Just don't pee on the doctor...
Finally we went in for the u/s and any discomfort I had went away when I saw the little gumdrops wiggling around. The doctor came in and after about 10 minutes of probing my belly he showed me that my cervix and placenta were far enough apart that by inserting the needle through the cervix it would have to go through a membrane on the way to the placenta. If this membrane would be punctured, it would cause an miscarriage. Wow- so glad the doctor caught that BEFORE he started the procedure. So we opted not to do the CVS and instead will have an NT Scan on Friday. Then when I am 15 weeks (pg) will get an anatomy scan and then have the amnio at 16 weeks.
I am much more comfortable with that schedule. I had a really uneasy feeling about the CVS. I am worried that if there is a serious problem, I wont find out until I am at least 16 weeks but I am really just hoping for the best.
In the meantime, I am feeling a bit less tired, heartburn calmed down and still not showing at all. I am going to hold off telling anyone for as long as I can.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Doubt creeping in..
Up until now, I was feeling really positive and excited about this pregnancy. But today I am 10 weeks and in a week or so I am going to do a CVS, which basically tests the chromosomes of the baby to make sure there are no defects.
All the trauma, sadness, anxiety of my last pregnancy is now flooding my brain. Very few people know the truth about my last pregnancy because I am afraid that people will judge me. But I am ready to tell the story here because at least there is still some anonymity. Just for background: my first pregnancy was a breeze. I felt great and had the pregnancy glow. I started feeling my little baby kicking which made me laugh every time. My OB at the time recommended that since I was 35, I should get an amnio. He did not give me any other prenatal tests, thinking the amnio is 99% accurate and every other test only gives probability risks. I believed him with blissful ignorance.
2 weeks after my amnio, the genetics counselor called to tell me that my little sweet baby has a chromosomal abnormality- chromosome 21 has a deletion and chromosome 14 has an additional piece of material. I never even thought this could be a possibility and was completely unprepared. The next 6 weeks following involved tests after tests to confirm these results, which sadly were 100% confirmed. We asked three top geneticists in the world to look at our report to see if they agreed with the results, which they also confirmed. This baby would have severe mental problems. I cried everyday for 6 weeks straight.
It was the most heart-wrenching decision of our lives, but my husband and I decided that we should terminate. The day I went in for termination was the absolute worst day of my life. I never cried so hard in my life and up until the point of termination, I felt that little baby kicking as if to tell me not to do it. After the termination, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver the baby by induction. For the next 2 days, nurses came into my room congratulating us. Then someone who had a clue whispered what happened and the happy nurses would profusely apologize. I finally was released from the hospital and spent the next several months recovering physically, emotionally and mentally.
Cut to, today. Soon I am going to have a CVS done. As much as I don't to, I know I have to. I want to be sure this baby has the best chance at life he can. I worry so much about everything- if I had a child who is constantly sick or hospitalized- I wouldn't be able to function. We are doing a CVS so that if G-d forbid there is a problem, we know sooner.
I am so scared. I guess I will know either way in a few weeks.
Jewish holidays are coming up and I will be doing a lot of praying.
All the trauma, sadness, anxiety of my last pregnancy is now flooding my brain. Very few people know the truth about my last pregnancy because I am afraid that people will judge me. But I am ready to tell the story here because at least there is still some anonymity. Just for background: my first pregnancy was a breeze. I felt great and had the pregnancy glow. I started feeling my little baby kicking which made me laugh every time. My OB at the time recommended that since I was 35, I should get an amnio. He did not give me any other prenatal tests, thinking the amnio is 99% accurate and every other test only gives probability risks. I believed him with blissful ignorance.
2 weeks after my amnio, the genetics counselor called to tell me that my little sweet baby has a chromosomal abnormality- chromosome 21 has a deletion and chromosome 14 has an additional piece of material. I never even thought this could be a possibility and was completely unprepared. The next 6 weeks following involved tests after tests to confirm these results, which sadly were 100% confirmed. We asked three top geneticists in the world to look at our report to see if they agreed with the results, which they also confirmed. This baby would have severe mental problems. I cried everyday for 6 weeks straight.
It was the most heart-wrenching decision of our lives, but my husband and I decided that we should terminate. The day I went in for termination was the absolute worst day of my life. I never cried so hard in my life and up until the point of termination, I felt that little baby kicking as if to tell me not to do it. After the termination, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver the baby by induction. For the next 2 days, nurses came into my room congratulating us. Then someone who had a clue whispered what happened and the happy nurses would profusely apologize. I finally was released from the hospital and spent the next several months recovering physically, emotionally and mentally.
Cut to, today. Soon I am going to have a CVS done. As much as I don't to, I know I have to. I want to be sure this baby has the best chance at life he can. I worry so much about everything- if I had a child who is constantly sick or hospitalized- I wouldn't be able to function. We are doing a CVS so that if G-d forbid there is a problem, we know sooner.
I am so scared. I guess I will know either way in a few weeks.
Jewish holidays are coming up and I will be doing a lot of praying.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
First OB/GYN visit
First of all, it is reassuring when the first thing you see when you walk into a doctor's office is a wall covered with awards saying "Best OB/GYN NY" 2005-2006 and another 2007-2008 as well as photos of him and Brooke Shields with a signed autograph saying "Thank you for everything". Score!
I first went in and got all my vitals checked. Blood pressure- a tad low but they weren't concerned. first time I've been weighed since the whole IF experience and to my surprise, I am exactly the same weight as I was at the beginning. I'm still overweight, but at least I haven't gained more... yet.
Then I talked to the head nurse about my history. She was very knowledgeable and thorough. We decided since I had PGD that rather than jump into getting a CVS, I would do the NT Scan and if anything comes back questionable, then we will go ahead and do the CVS. I am comfortable with that and later I asked the doctor and he concurs with that decision.
Then I had an u/s. Turns out, my ute is tipped backwards- wow after all this time, no one ever told me that before which really shocked me. its no big deal, it just means u/s always have to be vaginally, rathan than abdominally. I saw the two little twinkes just hanging out. They are so cute. Heard their little heartbeats again- baby a is 158 and baby b is 143. I asked if it is an issue that baby B's heartbeat is slower and nurse said it fluctuates all the time.
then I went in to see the Doctor. My OB wasn't there- he was in the hospital delivering so I spoke with his partner- who literally just started with him a week ago. He is a strange, quirky guy- looks like Howard Hess (from WKRP in Cinninati)-- earring and all. But he is smart and has over 17 years experience delivering babies. I do believe Dr. R has more experience delivering twins, so when the time comes I am pretty sure he will be delivering me (I hope).
So, next step is- I go back in 3 weeks Sept. 25th for my NT scan and u/s. I will get the results back from the NT scan in a week and then will decide whether to have a CVS or wait for an amnio.
As far as how I am feeling- it is getting harder finding a comfortable sleeping position. Lying on my side is uncomfortable and for now, sleeping on my back is best. No nausea but wicked heartburn on and off. Tums seems to help for now but if it gets worse, I am going to have to start taking Pepcid. My button down shirts don't fit anymore. I only wear elastic waist pants now. Haven't bought a new bra yet- I think I have a few more weeks left in the one I've got. I do need new underwear- thongs just aren't cutting it anymore :(
I first went in and got all my vitals checked. Blood pressure- a tad low but they weren't concerned. first time I've been weighed since the whole IF experience and to my surprise, I am exactly the same weight as I was at the beginning. I'm still overweight, but at least I haven't gained more... yet.
Then I talked to the head nurse about my history. She was very knowledgeable and thorough. We decided since I had PGD that rather than jump into getting a CVS, I would do the NT Scan and if anything comes back questionable, then we will go ahead and do the CVS. I am comfortable with that and later I asked the doctor and he concurs with that decision.
Then I had an u/s. Turns out, my ute is tipped backwards- wow after all this time, no one ever told me that before which really shocked me. its no big deal, it just means u/s always have to be vaginally, rathan than abdominally. I saw the two little twinkes just hanging out. They are so cute. Heard their little heartbeats again- baby a is 158 and baby b is 143. I asked if it is an issue that baby B's heartbeat is slower and nurse said it fluctuates all the time.
then I went in to see the Doctor. My OB wasn't there- he was in the hospital delivering so I spoke with his partner- who literally just started with him a week ago. He is a strange, quirky guy- looks like Howard Hess (from WKRP in Cinninati)-- earring and all. But he is smart and has over 17 years experience delivering babies. I do believe Dr. R has more experience delivering twins, so when the time comes I am pretty sure he will be delivering me (I hope).
So, next step is- I go back in 3 weeks Sept. 25th for my NT scan and u/s. I will get the results back from the NT scan in a week and then will decide whether to have a CVS or wait for an amnio.
As far as how I am feeling- it is getting harder finding a comfortable sleeping position. Lying on my side is uncomfortable and for now, sleeping on my back is best. No nausea but wicked heartburn on and off. Tums seems to help for now but if it gets worse, I am going to have to start taking Pepcid. My button down shirts don't fit anymore. I only wear elastic waist pants now. Haven't bought a new bra yet- I think I have a few more weeks left in the one I've got. I do need new underwear- thongs just aren't cutting it anymore :(
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
second u/s
I went to Dr. G's office for the last time and for my second u/s.
First the exciting news- I saw the little peanuts and their hearbeats are stronger than last week- Baby A's was 153 bpm and Baby B's was 158 bpm. They are measuring exactly on schedule so I am 7 weeks, 6 days today.
It was a bittersweet visit because the nurses have been so sweet and everyone there really took care of me for the past 8 months. I did promise to keep in touch and let them know how everything is going, which I definately will.
So on to my new OB/Gyn on Friday and I am looking forward to the next step in this journey.
First the exciting news- I saw the little peanuts and their hearbeats are stronger than last week- Baby A's was 153 bpm and Baby B's was 158 bpm. They are measuring exactly on schedule so I am 7 weeks, 6 days today.
It was a bittersweet visit because the nurses have been so sweet and everyone there really took care of me for the past 8 months. I did promise to keep in touch and let them know how everything is going, which I definately will.
So on to my new OB/Gyn on Friday and I am looking forward to the next step in this journey.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Twins!
Overwhelmed. That pretty much sums up how I am feeling right now. I was so worried but deep down I kind of knew it would be twins. But when I actually saw them on the screen and heard their little heartbeats, it really hit me. Twins. Whoa.
So I have to go for one more u/s at Dr. G's office next week and then I "graduate" to a high-risk OB. I am in the process of picking one today.
We have to sell our walk-up apartment and find a new place to live. I have a lot of research to do- no one in my family has twins so I am totally new at this. Today I am 7 weeks. I have 31 weeks to try figure it all out.
So I have to go for one more u/s at Dr. G's office next week and then I "graduate" to a high-risk OB. I am in the process of picking one today.
We have to sell our walk-up apartment and find a new place to live. I have a lot of research to do- no one in my family has twins so I am totally new at this. Today I am 7 weeks. I have 31 weeks to try figure it all out.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
3029!
2nd Beta today! Woot! My numbers are doing well. Progesterone is 149 and estrogen is above 1400- the nurse is very happy with those numbers.
Next step- I go in for an ultrasound on 8/25 with Dr. G. - if all is well, then I graduate to a new OB/Gyn. I picked one on my plan, Dr. G agreed he is a good one. I am not making an appt. until after the ultrasound and everything is ok.
What a relief. I will pray everything will be ok and I will get to see the little heartbeat flickering on the ultrasound. If I'm lucky, maybe I will be able to hear it.
I am going on vacation starting tomorrow for 12 days :)! We are road tripping to Cape Cod and Montreal. I am so excited! It will be so nice to get away and have a nice distraction.
Next step- I go in for an ultrasound on 8/25 with Dr. G. - if all is well, then I graduate to a new OB/Gyn. I picked one on my plan, Dr. G agreed he is a good one. I am not making an appt. until after the ultrasound and everything is ok.
What a relief. I will pray everything will be ok and I will get to see the little heartbeat flickering on the ultrasound. If I'm lucky, maybe I will be able to hear it.
I am going on vacation starting tomorrow for 12 days :)! We are road tripping to Cape Cod and Montreal. I am so excited! It will be so nice to get away and have a nice distraction.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
hello bloat!
Wow I am bloated. I honestly look I am 3 months pregnant already. Granted, the IVF meds messing with my hormones probably have a lot to do with the bloating, but damn, my tummy is big.
My other problem is I gained 30 pounds from my first pregnancy 2 years ago because I let myself eat whatever I wanted thinking I would lose it when the baby came. Well almost 6 months later, I lost the baby but the weight stayed and it has been a serious struggle taking it off.
So I am already starting out overweight. Truth is, I am not sure which is me and which is the bloat. I am going to be really careful this time and try to stay within reasonable weight gain guidelimits.
I am grateful to have such a problem.
My other problem is I gained 30 pounds from my first pregnancy 2 years ago because I let myself eat whatever I wanted thinking I would lose it when the baby came. Well almost 6 months later, I lost the baby but the weight stayed and it has been a serious struggle taking it off.
So I am already starting out overweight. Truth is, I am not sure which is me and which is the bloat. I am going to be really careful this time and try to stay within reasonable weight gain guidelimits.
I am grateful to have such a problem.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
221!!!!
I went in for the Beta this am. I told the nurse I will be on pins & needles so agreed to put a "rush" on my phone call results.
I have been feeling lots of little twinges, getting up in the middle of the night to pee and slight nausea. Again, it could all be the Progesterone but I am feeling a bit more positive than before.
The nurse called and the number came back -221!!
I am so relieved and grateful! Its a long, lond road ahead before I can totally relax about this pregnancy but for now, I am celebrating!
Thanks so much for all your good wishes!
I have been feeling lots of little twinges, getting up in the middle of the night to pee and slight nausea. Again, it could all be the Progesterone but I am feeling a bit more positive than before.
The nurse called and the number came back -221!!
I am so relieved and grateful! Its a long, lond road ahead before I can totally relax about this pregnancy but for now, I am celebrating!
Thanks so much for all your good wishes!
Friday, July 31, 2009
I hate waiting
The dreaded 2WW. Truth is, its good and its bad. Its good because since I don't know the outcome yet, I am holding on to hope that it worked. Its bad because I hate not knowing and waiting around to find out. Gerard and I talked about whether we should test before the Beta test or just wait until the Beta. I don't know how I would rather get the news- at home on a pee stick or from a nurse at work with no one around to comfort me if its negative. At least at home I would have Gerard there to comfort me. So that does it, I will test on Tuesday morning at home. If its negative, God give me strength to make it through the day.
So far, I have to say I've been feeling pretty good. I just need to make it through this weekend and Monday and I will finally be able to get an answer. I just hope its a good one.
So far, I have to say I've been feeling pretty good. I just need to make it through this weekend and Monday and I will finally be able to get an answer. I just hope its a good one.
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