transition..

I have been a bit of an insominac lately partly due to heartburn and general discomfort, but also there is so much running through my mind lately. Packing up this apartment, worrying about the move, sadness about leaving this apartment are a few but I also can't help but think about what my life will be like in a month. I am so blessed to have made this far in my pregnancy- I will be officially 8 months (32 weeks) pregnant tomorrow (or today- it is 1:30 am). I have enormous hopes and dreams about these babies and I hope that I will be a good mom who will be patient with them, able to teach them good lessons, and raise them with kindness and appreciation.

I keep thinking about who and where I was 5 years ago and what a different picture my life looked like. I was a single woman living by myself in a great neighborhood in NYC. I could barely afford the apartment i was living in but somehow I managed to still live the life- going out all the time to parties, concerts, great restaurants. I was a free-spirit, fun-loving and a bit on the crazy side (in a good way). I had a really fun group of friends and have stories and memories of them that to this day still makes me smile and laugh.

I've been feeling really nostalgic. I dont know if its because I am completely hormonal or if its my way of mentally preparing myself for this new transition in my life (kind of like "in with the new, out with the old"), but I am really missing that free-spirited woman who existed 5 years ago. Not that my life is so boring now, but it is obviously way more structured than it used to be.

To make things even more ironic, our new apartment is in the same neighborhood as my first apartment in NYC after college. I lived there for 8 years- and now I am moving back with a husband and (hopefully) 2 babies. The magnitude of that thought is overwhelming to me.

Its exciting and utterly terrifying at the same time. No wonder I can't sleep...