I hate waiting

The dreaded 2WW. Truth is, its good and its bad. Its good because since I don't know the outcome yet, I am holding on to hope that it worked. Its bad because I hate not knowing and waiting around to find out. Gerard and I talked about whether we should test before the Beta test or just wait until the Beta. I don't know how I would rather get the news- at home on a pee stick or from a nurse at work with no one around to comfort me if its negative. At least at home I would have Gerard there to comfort me. So that does it, I will test on Tuesday morning at home. If its negative, God give me strength to make it through the day.

So far, I have to say I've been feeling pretty good. I just need to make it through this weekend and Monday and I will finally be able to get an answer. I just hope its a good one.

Update on my mom

First of all, thanks to everyone for sending your well-wishes and prayers! I am touched and so appreciative.

Today was the surgery. They did another bioposy of her lymph nodes to be 100% sure it hasn't spread. The lumpectomy was successful and the surgeon is 90% sure it hasn't spread from what she saw and feels optimistic that it hasn't- but the bioposy will totally confirm. That is great news and we are so relieved!

She is recovering at my sister's house and I spoke to her earlier and she is feeling good and hasn't needed to take any of her pain meds.

Next step is to meet with her regular doctor to schedule radiation which she will probably need everyday for 6 weeks.

I am so grateful.

ET Done!

After a very nerve-racking weekend waiting to hear from the lab, the nurse finally called us this morning and told us our transfer will be today at noon. Turns out that of the 5 eggs that fertilized, 1 didnt make it so they ended up testing 4 embryos. Of those 4, only 2 were chromosomally normal and able to be transferred. I asked the doctor what the chromosome issues were with the 2 that weren't transferred and he said they both were riddled with issues. Amazing. And to think that had we not had the opportunity to do PGD, I probably would have had another miscarriage. It is a miracle that I was able to get 2 good embryos and I am beyond grateful.

The transfer was painless. They showed me the 2 embryos they are transferring- one is developing prety rapidly (which is a good sign) and the other is a bit slower. They gave me the photo to take home with me- my 1st ultrasound photo- a cluster of cells.

So now the 2 week wait begins. I have another blood test on Wednesday to check my progesterone levels and then my beta test will be on August 5. I am spending the rest of today and tomorrow with my feet up and totally relaxing, even though they told me I dont have to stay in bed.

Now, I am focusing on my mom. She goes in on Tuesday to see if her cancer has spread anywhere else in her body. Her doctors are optimistic that it hasn't. I am praying so hard for her- I hope she will get good news too.

Fert Report is in!

Of the 8 eggs retrived, 5 fertilized- possibly one more. That is great news. I go in for the transfer either Sunday or Monday, depending on how busy the lab is. The plan is to get the PGD done on Saturday- which I found out means the embryos never leave the RE's office, it is only the cell extracted from the embryos that get tested. The lab, which is located in New Jersey, gets the cells today and then performs the biopsy tomorrow. The lab must then write up a formal report on the results and send to my RE and then bring me back into his office for the actual transfer.
This is why it could be Sunday or Monday- all those components depend upon each other and if everything lines up, the transfer would be earlier rather than later.

In the meantime, I am taking Doxycycline (anti-biotic), Medoral (steriod), baby asprin (for blodd thinning) and Progesterone (to thicken the uterine lining). I have to say- my hair, nails and complexion have never looked so good. I guess that is the benefit to being on so many meds.

So now I wait for the results and pray that one or two of those embryos are healthy and perfect. My H told me I am not allowed to think negatively or be doubtful. I am trying my best. I even wrote out a little prayer in own words that I recite every day:

Dear God,

I am about to partake in my first IVF cycle to acheive a healthy baby or babies to bring into this world. I pray that the procedure is successful and we are able to have a healthy child(ren). I pray for strength to help me get through the procedure and to hear the outcome whether it is positive or negative. I pray for comfort that the procedure and the needles are not so painful. I pray that if it is successful and I am pregnant, that this pregnancy is healthy and happy. I pray that if successful, we are patient, loving parents who will find the right words to teach and soothe our child(ren). Amen.

My first PIO shot

These shots have been freaking me out since this whole process started. The needles are 1 1/2 inches long.. ouch. Well- today is my first day so I just told my H to just do it fast and get it over with. We opted to do them in morning because the nurse told me it is better when you can do them at time when you are still moving around to help the medicine dissipate evenly to prevent lumps from developing.

I iced the area beforehand for a few minutes. My H injected it and I didn't feel a thing! I out a heating pad over the area just for good measure and off I went to work. I am so happy and relieved.

So now, I am staring at my cell phone waiting for the fertilization report. G and I are hoping for 6 so they have lots to work with.

I will report back when I get the results. Fingers, toes and everything crossed.

ER is done!

All is well. I arrived at 9 am and the nurse brought me in to take all my vitals and just talk about the procedure. They hooked me up to an IV for anesthesia and 1 minute later I was completely out. Just an FYI- the nurse did tell me this was the same anesthesia that was found in Michael Jackson's drug repertoire. Honestly, I dont blame the guy- its good stuff.

When I woke up, they told me they retreived 8 eggs- which is average. They usually get between 5-10 for my age so I was pleased. I just hope those eggs are good quality. I will know tomorrow how many fertilized.

I feel very bloated and super crampy. The nurse gave me Tylenol which helped a little. When I got home, I ate a quick lunch so I could take my Doxycyclin and then I passed out for most of the afternoon.

Funny story: In my RE office, you check in electronically by computer at the receptionist's station. (not sure why they need a recceptionist to be there also)...

When you check in, you are given a multiple choice for reasons you are there. I checked myself in- no problem. But for my H- they do not have a "sperm donation" option so I should have checked "other." But I guess I was nervous and checked "insemination" instead.. LOL. Luckily I was able to go back and correct it.

We were laughing hysterically and the doctor walked in and was like- wow, thats new- patients usually aren't cracking up before an ER.

Another girl came out of her ER while I was resting and she was yelling- no I need more anesthesia I am awake- I will feel everything. And the nurse said- Sweetie you are done.. you in recovery!

I am laughing as I type this and Ouch- it hurts to laugh.

ER is scheduled

Wednesday at 9 am I check in and prep for the ER (Egg Retreival). I undergo anesthesia and the actual procedure should be about 11 am or so.

I had another U/S yesterday and the doctor assured me that I have enough follicles to produce enough eggs to choose from. I am still worried, but I appreciate an optimistic doctor.

Last night was my first inter-muscluar (IM) shot. These are longer needles given right above your butt but below your lower back. It was the HCG shot- this med signals the follies to mature and release the eggs. It is usually given 36 hours before ER and needs to timed perfectly. So I was instructed to admister the shot at 11 pm. I iced the area for about 4-5 minutes (which helped tremendously) and then my H injected me. Honestly, it was painless. I didn't even feel it go in. This gives me hope that the rest of the IM shots won't be as bad.

Today, I went in for more b/w to check to make sure the medication is absorbed and that my estrogen is still high.

I am feeling good about tomorrow. I think it should be a pretty easy procedure and I know I am in good hands. All I can do is hope and pray for the best.